Thank You - an unlikely expression of gratitude this Monday

It was 6 years ago, just around this time of year – time for my annual review. I was practicing employment law at a prestigious law firm in Orange County, and while there were some bumps in the road, I felt overall I had been performing quite well in my second year of practicing law. That is, until I heard my review.

Two partners came into my office, shut the door, and sat with me to discuss my review. Nothing strange so far – this is standard operating procedure around the office when review time came around. But the contents of the review would rock my world.

Negative. Disappointing. Underachieving. These were the words spoken to me at my review. I have to admit I wasn’t used to hearing these words. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I willed myself not to cry in front of my bosses. My mind was spinning – how was it possible that I thought I was doing so well when they obviously think otherwise?

And then a strange point was raised during my review – “Melissa needs to be here during normal business hours.” Wait, what? I finally snapped out of my stupor – what did THAT mean? I worked A LOT. I worked weekends, late nights, very early mornings. I worked in the office, at home, at coffee shops – any place I could will myself to spend another hour working on motions, memos, outlines that always needed to be done yesterday. They were making it sound like I was some sort of cracked-out addict that could only stumble into the office after 1pm. I assure you, this was NOT the case.

When they left my office to let me “digest” the contents of my review I finally became ANGRY. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but I had done some fabulous work for several clients, and none of that had been acknowledged or addressed at my review. Nothing positive came out of that meeting. It was horribly unfair and maddening. But I worked up the nerve to walk into one of the partner’s offices to tell him that my review was incomplete. I rattled off some of my greater accomplishments that year – items that were conspicuously missing from my review. He sheepishly agreed with me, but the dye was cast.

Shortly after that review I started looking for a way out of that place.

Little did I know – I took my first step towards melissa brandman photography that day.

I can see that now, 6 years later. Even so, the pain of that review is still incredibly raw. It was embarrassing, humiliating to sit there and listen to one negative point after another, all delivered with a half-smile. Especially after all of the times spent away from my husband, away from friends and family. All for work. All for this stinking review. It is hard to write about it, even now.

Little did I know:

· I was so miserable being in that office that I would take a photography class at night to bring some fun into my life.

· 6 months after that review I left my job to become a deputy district attorney – a job I had dreamed about since I was 12 years old.

· Later that same year we would move to the Bay Area, where I had to leave my dream job behind.

· I met many amazing people during my time in the Bay Area that inspired me to work for myself – to become the boss I always hoped for.

· That every career experience I’ve had since that day, the day of that horrible review, would give me the strength, the fortitude, and the courage to start this photography business.

So today, I say thank you to the two partners that sat me down that day for my terrible review. Thank you for giving me a reason to leave law firm life behind – I have never looked back. Thank you for showing me how ill-equipped I was to work in an office from 7-7 (if you’re working at a bigger law firm there is no 9-5 day. You’re lucky to get an 8-6 kind of day).

Because of you, I never worked in a large law firm again. I worked part-time after my older daughter was born, and I even switched practices to better accommodate my family and my life. I know to never again sacrifice my marriage or my family for my job.

Today, I have a life I never dared dream of – and I have you, dear partners, to thank (in part).

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.